He Gives and Takes Away

I don't even know how to begin this new post...I know all about how God gives and takes away and I also know that my heart will ALWAYS chose to stay! This week I cried my eyes out for a friend whose baby went to be in the arms of the Lord before my friend ever got to hold her baby in her arms. I also rejoiced this week with a friend who delivered 4 brand new baby boys. They are born 13 weeks early, but are doing well. How is it that our heart can be breaking and rejoicing at the same time? I hurt so much for my friend as I know the pain of knowing that there will never be a tomorrow or a today on this side of heaven with the baby you wanted, dreamed of, hoped for, and above all else... LOVED!! I don't mean that word in a past tense...because the love of a parent goes past all time, it is forever..no matter where the child is, no matter where you are, no matter how much time has passed, no matter how long they were here or weren't here....that LOVE IS FOREVER!! I sometimes wish I could see things from God's perspective. I still wonder to this day why Jacob died. Why couldn't he stay? My heart was shattered into a million pieces in a split second seven and a half years ago. Even the birth of Samuel, Silas, and Caleb couldn't put (in Humpty Dumpty language) all the pieces back together again. It's as close as it will ever be...but there will forever be a hole there, forever be fractures in the pieces that were pieced back together. It hurts - the pain has never gone away. I think it's become more manageable and it's pain that on most days is dull compared to the first year...BUT there are those days when it hurts just as much as it did the second they came out and told me he was gone. Like I said earlier-- I just don't understand!!
I have said a million times over -- and I'll continue to say it--- I have NOT gotten this far on my own. It was NEVER me and it was ALWAYS the LORD!! I couldn't have done it, I am not this strong, I am weak! It is HIS STRENGTH that has carried me each and every single day.

Please continue to keep my friend and her family in your prayers as she and her family grieve, heal, continue to grieve, and continue to heal. Please also pray for my other friend for her boys to continue to grow, stay healthy, gain strength so that they may go home healthy and free from any long term issues. Please continue to keep my family in your prayers as well- when you lose a child it doesn't matter how long time goes by--it's is forever a healing process, we are forever grieving.