here it is 9:05pm, Taps was just played, and I am thinking about my life. I sometimes wonder if this is it...all my life is...don't get me wrong- I love my life, well most of the time I love my life. I've got 3 healthy growing boys, I have an angel. I am a proud wife of a Sailor and I am happy to say we've been married for almost 11 years now, we've lived all over the United States. I've got a lot to be thankful for and I am very thankful, even grateful for the life I've been given.
I am bored out of mind tonight, which is weird seeing as how there are a million things in the house I could be doing...putting away the loads upon loads of laundry, mopping the floor (for the third time this week), washing dishes, dealing with paperwork, working on the extra room to get it turned into Samuel's bedroom, taking the craft stuff out of that room and putting it in my room, and a million other projects that need to be worked on, but here I am sitting outside on the back porch listening to the silence and enjoying the 90 temperature outside. It's very calming and relaxing, even very peaceful...I LOVE IT!! It's a great way to end a day that has been going going going.
We went to story time at the library here on base for the first time...it was well lets just say interesting...lots of kids, lots of talking, just lots of everything. Than after that I had a doctors appt for some pain I've been having where my c-section scar is. Bad news it looks like I'm going to end up in surgery...for either a hernia, adhesions from the scar, or another c-section...yep you heard that last little part right..c-section. However the doctor hasn't called me so I am guessing the pregnancy test came back negative...or so I hope...or do I...part of me hopes it's negative I mean afterall I did get my tubes tied, however there is a part of me that would be happy. but my goodness have you met my boys...they drive me up the wall how in the world could I ever handle another one...oy gets my head spinning just thinking about it. Whats funny about that possibility is that Rob and I were just discussing this all last night about how now is about the time I normally get pregnant again...you know when the youngest is between 18 and 20 months (Caleb is 19 months old now). I think it's because thats the point where it dawns on me that they are no longer babies. what brought it up last night was I was holding Caleb and he was throwing a temper tantrum about something and it just dawned on me...he's not a bitty baby anymore...he's a toddler, growing up way to fast on me..like they all do. I've tried to hold him back a little, I think all that has done is made him more and more comfortable sleeping in my bed, nursing longer, and getting babied longer by his brothers (oh okay and me)! He gives his brothers this little pouty look and they GIVE in to him every single time...jeez yes it works on me also! He's spoiled...if baby's can be spoiled. so thats how the whole conversation came up yesterday anyway...Caleb throwing a temper tantrum. so here's my thinking...we are working hard at paying off bills (well kinda stalled for a bit till Rob's pay is fixed again) and saving money (to pay cash for the next vehicles and to buy a house in Virginia [hopefully]) well than I would like to maybe consider adoption again. There are so many children out there that need good families...even crazy families like us! hmmm something to ponder about...guess only time will tell! so there's my ranting for the evening....
thankful for...blessed because of...
my computer...so I can write whats onmy mind. keep in touch with friends and family faster...share pictures on...find coupons....do research...spend more money on...play games on...watch shuttle launches from...
Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Count Your Blessings
I am copying this from Home With the Boys, which is a great blog btw!! So everyday I am going to try to come here to my blog and write a blessing that I have been given. Some may sound silly, but to me It's somethiing I am grateful for. And by no means is the order I list them...the order that they actually represent to me.... so for the BIG
1. Father's Day--it is a day that we celebrate the men in our lives...whether they're are fathers, dads, like dads to us, our husbands, uncles, grandfathers, friends, OUR HEAVENLY FATHER, the men we only know through others...it is the day we celebrate the great fathers. To me these men are the ones who have taught me valuable lessons, show unconditional love, are great romodels for my boys, love my boys, and so many other things. I have been blessed with some great men in my life...my dad, Mardas Jennings. I gotta say it seemed like he was pretty hard on us as kids, but he loved me and was trying to teach us life lessons. my husband, Robert Lesch...gosh he loves our boys. to watch the way he wrestles with them and every night how he reads to them in bed-- love it!! Joe Burdick-- a family friend. He is my friends dad...was so much like a dad to me. Mark Mick--- wow he's been in my life for as long as I can remember...I don't remember there ever being a time without him in it.. He, too, has been there for everything...all my birthdays, graduation, engagement party, wedding, death of Jacob, Navy bootcamp graduation, birthday parties of my kids, and holidays...outside of my dad he's been there the most!
Terry Shephard--he means so much to me...he was there for us in the most difficult time of our lives...Jacob's death. He and his family were at the hospital that night with us, took us to his house after we left the hospital, and was (along with his wife, daughter, and son in law) just there for us. They invited us to their house for holidays since we were away from our family and were just so alone that first year. JD Skeen..my grandpa...I miss that man!! David Mikels--he's only been in our lives for a couple of years now, but we've grown to love him. He has "adopted" us as family, loves our kids as if they were his own grandkids, has given great advice. to be completely honest here..it was hard in the beginning to let him in to our family, but we did and I am so glad we did. Can't imagine our lives without him now! Steve Lesch--cause he is a great father-in-law and a great example for my husband! Cecil Skeen- my father... As most of you know this is a harder topic for me. Let's just leave it for now...as I was blessed by him. There are so so many more men that I admire in my life..so I'll just name a few (not all so please don't get your feelings hurt if your name is mentioned), but I am not going to write down why... Darren Johnson, Jeff Evans, Jeff Gustafson, Mike Larson, and so many more!!
1. Father's Day--it is a day that we celebrate the men in our lives...whether they're are fathers, dads, like dads to us, our husbands, uncles, grandfathers, friends, OUR HEAVENLY FATHER, the men we only know through others...it is the day we celebrate the great fathers. To me these men are the ones who have taught me valuable lessons, show unconditional love, are great romodels for my boys, love my boys, and so many other things. I have been blessed with some great men in my life...my dad, Mardas Jennings. I gotta say it seemed like he was pretty hard on us as kids, but he loved me and was trying to teach us life lessons. my husband, Robert Lesch...gosh he loves our boys. to watch the way he wrestles with them and every night how he reads to them in bed-- love it!! Joe Burdick-- a family friend. He is my friends dad...was so much like a dad to me. Mark Mick--- wow he's been in my life for as long as I can remember...I don't remember there ever being a time without him in it.. He, too, has been there for everything...all my birthdays, graduation, engagement party, wedding, death of Jacob, Navy bootcamp graduation, birthday parties of my kids, and holidays...outside of my dad he's been there the most!
Terry Shephard--he means so much to me...he was there for us in the most difficult time of our lives...Jacob's death. He and his family were at the hospital that night with us, took us to his house after we left the hospital, and was (along with his wife, daughter, and son in law) just there for us. They invited us to their house for holidays since we were away from our family and were just so alone that first year. JD Skeen..my grandpa...I miss that man!! David Mikels--he's only been in our lives for a couple of years now, but we've grown to love him. He has "adopted" us as family, loves our kids as if they were his own grandkids, has given great advice. to be completely honest here..it was hard in the beginning to let him in to our family, but we did and I am so glad we did. Can't imagine our lives without him now! Steve Lesch--cause he is a great father-in-law and a great example for my husband! Cecil Skeen- my father... As most of you know this is a harder topic for me. Let's just leave it for now...as I was blessed by him. There are so so many more men that I admire in my life..so I'll just name a few (not all so please don't get your feelings hurt if your name is mentioned), but I am not going to write down why... Darren Johnson, Jeff Evans, Jeff Gustafson, Mike Larson, and so many more!!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
More Family Updates
So a couple of days ago I posted a few posts and some pictures. so now let me update on the family...these boys of mine..these wild boys...these crazy boys...these super cute blessings of mine!!
Caleb just had his 18 month well baby appt at 19 months old. He now weighs just over 22lbs and is 34 inches. He still has a big head! He isn't talking yet, but we are working with speech therapy for that. He is all over the place, climbs up everything, goes under anything he can...he is super silly...and makes the greatest faces.
Silas...he's got attitude...he loves to play in the water. he loves swimming. he loves to attack our neighbor, Bill, with the water hose. He loves to play at the park. He loves to sleep in and stay up late. I think he will be our child that will keep us up all night as a teenager.
Samuel-- yes I said Samuel. he doesn't want to be called Sammy anymore. Makes me kinda sad..he's growing up so fast. He is now done with 1st grade and finished with mostly A's and a couple of B's. We still don't know if he tested into the gifted program. I was just excited as can be that his teacher thought he was a good candidate for the program. Guess his kindergarten teacher, Mrs. LaBorie knew what she was talking about all along! I knew I liked her!
Samuel just finished up with t-ball. This was his last season playing t-ball and if he wants to continue playing he will now be in baseball.
These boys sure are growing up fast! Hard to keep up with them.
Rob and I are loving Texas and we are all spending lots of family time together.
Caleb just had his 18 month well baby appt at 19 months old. He now weighs just over 22lbs and is 34 inches. He still has a big head! He isn't talking yet, but we are working with speech therapy for that. He is all over the place, climbs up everything, goes under anything he can...he is super silly...and makes the greatest faces.
Silas...he's got attitude...he loves to play in the water. he loves swimming. he loves to attack our neighbor, Bill, with the water hose. He loves to play at the park. He loves to sleep in and stay up late. I think he will be our child that will keep us up all night as a teenager.
Samuel-- yes I said Samuel. he doesn't want to be called Sammy anymore. Makes me kinda sad..he's growing up so fast. He is now done with 1st grade and finished with mostly A's and a couple of B's. We still don't know if he tested into the gifted program. I was just excited as can be that his teacher thought he was a good candidate for the program. Guess his kindergarten teacher, Mrs. LaBorie knew what she was talking about all along! I knew I liked her!
Samuel just finished up with t-ball. This was his last season playing t-ball and if he wants to continue playing he will now be in baseball.
These boys sure are growing up fast! Hard to keep up with them.
Rob and I are loving Texas and we are all spending lots of family time together.
Plans for summer vacation:
camping
swimming
fishing
movies
bowling
summer reading programs
riding bikes
flying kites
crafts
baking
bowling
swimming
road trips
Yes I know I posted swimming and bowling twice...but thats cause we do a lot of that!
So come back often to see pictures of what we are doing and where we are going...
swimming
fishing
movies
bowling
summer reading programs
riding bikes
flying kites
crafts
baking
bowling
swimming
road trips
Yes I know I posted swimming and bowling twice...but thats cause we do a lot of that!
So come back often to see pictures of what we are doing and where we are going...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Guess I should also do a kiddo update...
Sammy had just bowled a spare! He was so excited.
Silas playing a game at the Navy Family Fun Fair
Swimming in the backyard
Sammy @ t-ball. He was playing catcher!! I was a proud mama!!
Silas playing a game at the Navy Family Fun Fair
Swimming in the backyard
Sammy @ t-ball. He was playing catcher!! I was a proud mama!!
Things You Shouldn't Ever say to a Grieving Mother and Things you Should Always Remember
Things to Not Ever Say to a Grieving Mother:
1. you can always have another baby... ummm hello yes cause it's the same thing as getting a new dog when your old one gets hit by a car... NO!! So what if I can have another baby (and you don't know if they actually can have another baby) that baby will NEVER replace the baby I lost.
2. Well at least you had them for xxx (days, months, years, minutes)...what's your point?? It was never long enough, the time I had will never be long enough.
3.I know how you feel, I lost (insert mom, dad, cousin, grandparent and worst of all dog's name in here). Granted I've never lost a sibling, my mom is still here, my husband is still here...but there is no loss comparable to a child. Especially DONT COMPARE YOUR LOSING YOUR DOG TO ME LOSING MY CHILD!!
So those are just a few of the things people have said that have made me want to rip their hearts out of their body and stomp on them.
Now onto things I wish people would remember...
1. I want my son acknowledged. He was here dammit, please don't even begin to think that by not mentioning him will make me not as sad or not put me in anymore pain. It hurts me more when you don't mention him. Jeez folks-- I've had 4 boys, not 3! 4 boys although one isn't here anymore I have had 4 boys.
2. It hurts and it will ALWAYS HURT that he isn't here. Time isn't going to make that go away. Honestly for me sometimes it hurts worse because of how much time has gone by since I held him last.
3. I am NOT the same person.
4. When you fail to mention Jacob or pretend he never existed you HURT ME more than you'll ever know!
1. you can always have another baby... ummm hello yes cause it's the same thing as getting a new dog when your old one gets hit by a car... NO!! So what if I can have another baby (and you don't know if they actually can have another baby) that baby will NEVER replace the baby I lost.
2. Well at least you had them for xxx (days, months, years, minutes)...what's your point?? It was never long enough, the time I had will never be long enough.
3.I know how you feel, I lost (insert mom, dad, cousin, grandparent and worst of all dog's name in here). Granted I've never lost a sibling, my mom is still here, my husband is still here...but there is no loss comparable to a child. Especially DONT COMPARE YOUR LOSING YOUR DOG TO ME LOSING MY CHILD!!
So those are just a few of the things people have said that have made me want to rip their hearts out of their body and stomp on them.
Now onto things I wish people would remember...
1. I want my son acknowledged. He was here dammit, please don't even begin to think that by not mentioning him will make me not as sad or not put me in anymore pain. It hurts me more when you don't mention him. Jeez folks-- I've had 4 boys, not 3! 4 boys although one isn't here anymore I have had 4 boys.
2. It hurts and it will ALWAYS HURT that he isn't here. Time isn't going to make that go away. Honestly for me sometimes it hurts worse because of how much time has gone by since I held him last.
3. I am NOT the same person.
4. When you fail to mention Jacob or pretend he never existed you HURT ME more than you'll ever know!
He Gives and Takes Away
I don't even know how to begin this new post...I know all about how God gives and takes away and I also know that my heart will ALWAYS chose to stay! This week I cried my eyes out for a friend whose baby went to be in the arms of the Lord before my friend ever got to hold her baby in her arms. I also rejoiced this week with a friend who delivered 4 brand new baby boys. They are born 13 weeks early, but are doing well. How is it that our heart can be breaking and rejoicing at the same time? I hurt so much for my friend as I know the pain of knowing that there will never be a tomorrow or a today on this side of heaven with the baby you wanted, dreamed of, hoped for, and above all else... LOVED!! I don't mean that word in a past tense...because the love of a parent goes past all time, it is forever..no matter where the child is, no matter where you are, no matter how much time has passed, no matter how long they were here or weren't here....that LOVE IS FOREVER!! I sometimes wish I could see things from God's perspective. I still wonder to this day why Jacob died. Why couldn't he stay? My heart was shattered into a million pieces in a split second seven and a half years ago. Even the birth of Samuel, Silas, and Caleb couldn't put (in Humpty Dumpty language) all the pieces back together again. It's as close as it will ever be...but there will forever be a hole there, forever be fractures in the pieces that were pieced back together. It hurts - the pain has never gone away. I think it's become more manageable and it's pain that on most days is dull compared to the first year...BUT there are those days when it hurts just as much as it did the second they came out and told me he was gone. Like I said earlier-- I just don't understand!!
I have said a million times over -- and I'll continue to say it--- I have NOT gotten this far on my own. It was NEVER me and it was ALWAYS the LORD!! I couldn't have done it, I am not this strong, I am weak! It is HIS STRENGTH that has carried me each and every single day.
Please continue to keep my friend and her family in your prayers as she and her family grieve, heal, continue to grieve, and continue to heal. Please also pray for my other friend for her boys to continue to grow, stay healthy, gain strength so that they may go home healthy and free from any long term issues. Please continue to keep my family in your prayers as well- when you lose a child it doesn't matter how long time goes by--it's is forever a healing process, we are forever grieving.
I have said a million times over -- and I'll continue to say it--- I have NOT gotten this far on my own. It was NEVER me and it was ALWAYS the LORD!! I couldn't have done it, I am not this strong, I am weak! It is HIS STRENGTH that has carried me each and every single day.
Please continue to keep my friend and her family in your prayers as she and her family grieve, heal, continue to grieve, and continue to heal. Please also pray for my other friend for her boys to continue to grow, stay healthy, gain strength so that they may go home healthy and free from any long term issues. Please continue to keep my family in your prayers as well- when you lose a child it doesn't matter how long time goes by--it's is forever a healing process, we are forever grieving.
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About Me
- All Boys and Me
- Rob and I have been married for 10 years. Rob is in the Navy. He is currently stationed at Lackland AFB. I am at Stay at Home Mom and an Independent Consultant with Pampered Chef. We have been blessed with 4 handsome boys. Jacob, who went to be with the Lord when he was 6 months old. Samuel is 6 years old. Silas who is 4 years old. Caleb who is 16 months old.